The Angry Fag

News and Views from a Man Who Likes Men

South Park is Trapped in the Closet

Posted on | January 20, 2006

Paramount Studios has caved in to Tom Cruise and apparently will not repeat the episode of South Park in which he locks himself in the closet.

The episode centers on the belief that Stan is the reincarnation of L. Ron Hubbard. When the word gets out about this Cruise pays him a personal visit and asks Stan how he liked Cruise’s movies. When Stan says they are just "ok" the animated Tom starts crying and locks himself in Stan’s closet. This sets the stage for John Travolta and Nicole Kidman to attempt to get Tom Cruise to come out of the closet. They even parody R. Kelly with his "Trapped in the Closet" opera in the episode too. There is no way anyone could have missed Cruise physically being in the closet being metaphorical for the gay rumors. But no where once was it stated that "Tom Cruise is gay".

Being a "popular" actor, Cruise will always have to contend with rumors that he is gay. That is one of the prices of fame. Other celebrities have had the rumors flung at them too such as Olympic swimmer Ian Thorpe, Justin Timberlake, and Ricky Martin. Along with Cruise, Actors Matt Damn, Ben Affleck, Orlando Bloom, Vigo Mortenson, James van der Beek, and Leonardo DiCaprio have all had the rumors they were gay too. Jonathan Taylor Thomas answered the rumors about him in an interview with The Advocate and stated:

"It [rumors of his homosexuality] was just a blatant lie put on the Internet, and then it was just a feeding frenzy… And I’m sure it was validated by my recent roles. What startled me was how willingly people accepted it."

My own personal opinion of Cruise’s heterosexual-by-litigation technique is that in doing so he feeds those rumors himself. Every time someone even thinks about saying Tom Cruise may be gay, he sues them. With each lawsuit, people inevitably ask why he needs to when no other celebrity does? It is one thing to sue a tabloid for publishing photoshop’d pictures of him with other men romantically/sexually but it is quite another to simply sue every time someone mentions is name and says the word "gay" in the same sentence. Let us be honest here, who really needs to defend their heterosexuality with injunctions and lawsuits? I have never heard of even Fred Phelps doing that and I remember hearing once about a bounty on him for proof he or his grandson had engaged in homosexual sex. If he just ignored the rumors, they would die away for the most part.

Tom should just ignore the gay rumors like every other celebrity does and focus on not looking like such like an idiot with things like jumping on Oprah’s couch and the rest of his public blunders.

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Comments

2 Responses to “South Park is Trapped in the Closet”

  1. Russ
    January 20th, 2006 @ 7:01 pm

    http://www.scientomogy.info/south-park.htm

    If you wish to view this episode, uninterrupted, go to this website.

    Now, we can turn our attention to Chris Matthews and Don Imus. Their recent remarks about “Brokeback Mountain” were offensive and beyond the pale.

  2. The Angry Fag
    January 20th, 2006 @ 7:11 pm

    I’m letting others handle Imus and Matthews since I did not see it. Matthews has been the target of Kos/C&L already so I’ll let them have the fun.

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